Every once in awhile Max comes out with these things, these autistic moments that make me laugh, sometimes make me cry, and more often than not make me shake my head at the predictability of his behaviours and cognitive expressions.
We went to see Ice Age 3 yesterday (it was really quite funny!!)
Max likes to know the actual start time of the movie and then periodically throughout a movie he'll check in to see how long we've been watching and how much time is left. Towards the end of the movie he leaned over to ask me about the time, and at the same time as I was answering, something funny happened and the audience laughed loudly.
Max looked puzzled, perhaps a bit concerned, and leaned back over to ask me if everyone was laughing at him. I explained that he'd missed something funny and that they were laughing at the film. He seemed to get it, but then asked me again the next time everyone laughed if they were laughing at him or the movie.
Weird right? I guess the thing that I'm learning about this stage of Max's autism is that he has an expectation that I (and everyone for that matter!) am thinking what he is thinking. That what's clear in his head must also be clear in my head. That he has to explain his thoughts to me seems extraneous and frustrating to him.
Wish I could read his mind. It would probably stop me from needing to reserve parenting books at the library, and it would help our mother-son relationship continue to be as strong as ever, without the current rise of bumps in the road.
But if it wasn't this, it would be something else.
Guess we're both driving a road full of learning curves now!!!
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Off the scale
Max has walked off the spectrum. As predicted and expected, Max's last assessment results didn't score him as being autistic. What the heck??
Both Max's development paediatrician and his diagnosing paediatrician speculated early on that by 6 or 7 Max would have developed the coping skills necessary to "fit in" and to get through. Boy has he!!
I've been (mostly!) enjoying the newly developed, newly confident Max. He's a funny kid - bossier than I'd like but I'll squash that out of him!!
Can you believe that he made it through grade one? That he's lost 3 baby teeth with 2 more wiggly ones? That he makes his own breakfast and remembers to put the juice back in the fridge, and doesn't burn himself getting his waffles out of the toaster oven.
Told you he was just a kid, like every other kid.
Both Max's development paediatrician and his diagnosing paediatrician speculated early on that by 6 or 7 Max would have developed the coping skills necessary to "fit in" and to get through. Boy has he!!
I've been (mostly!) enjoying the newly developed, newly confident Max. He's a funny kid - bossier than I'd like but I'll squash that out of him!!
Can you believe that he made it through grade one? That he's lost 3 baby teeth with 2 more wiggly ones? That he makes his own breakfast and remembers to put the juice back in the fridge, and doesn't burn himself getting his waffles out of the toaster oven.
Told you he was just a kid, like every other kid.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
What's individualized about that?
I have a bee in my bonnet that I can't stop from buzzing around. I've been sitting with these thoughts for awhile now. Let me paint you the picture...
The Kingston public school board has a special education team. Within that team there are specialized teams - a learning disabilities team, a behavioural team, an autism spectrum team...
A childs family takes part in an IPRC (information, planning and review committee) meeting that consists of parents, the teacher, the principal and vice-principal. The child is welcome, and I'm assuming that if there were EA support, the EA would be welcome as well. The purpose of the IPRC meeting is to label the child as fitting on of the pre-determined teams available for support.
After the IPRC meeting, and IEP (individualized education plan) is developed. IEP meetings are meant to be held annually, but any of the involved parties can request a meeting anytime throughout the school year. Sounds like a great system, right?
I was excited to have Max IEPd. I thought that the meetings and the documentation would lead to written support for him. That achievable goals would be captured for him. That a written snapshot of strengths and needs would be captured.
What a horribly bland, uninformative document it is!! It is general and vague. It offends me on so many levels. It is three pages long... the first is general demographic information and testing dates. The second and third contain the recommended accomodations that Max requires in the classroom. At least I think that's what I'm supposed to glean from it.
We all do things to regulate ourselves. Max's regulatory behaviours are all physical in nature, but he can and does minimize or maximize them according to situation and context. He has difficulty with verbal expression when overstimulated. In a class of 20, he's often over stimulated. He does grade 3 or 4 level math in his head at home, reads at the same level, and has pretty neat handwriting for a grade one kid. Apparently at school he does not.
The IEP has not helped Max. There are no recommendations in it. Accomodations, yes (but not great ones) but no suggestions about how to make the crazy world of school easier to navigate for a little guy who needs that help. No goals. No tips on how to support him in the class room. No paragraph on the 2 years of Floortime therapy that has been instrumental in his growing and learning. No note in the report of a passionate family who will happily follow through with extra work at home, or by following the teacher's lead on tough situations. No sentence that explains that setting an expectation for Max is the easiest way to get compliance from him.
Instead all the appropriate boxes were checked. Max was referred to the SLP, OT, and every other T they could think of. He doesn't need the SLP at this point, and OT recommended that he wear big headphones at school assemblies (where she never observed him!) to help him stay regulated. Just a thought, but isn't the whole point about helping him integrate, helping him to be involved rather than giving him an excuse to tune out?!
Headphones - bah!!! How could they have met us, heard us speak about Max and his abilities, our years of work to develop coping mechanisms, and then suggest headphones??!
Is it me??? Or is there something very wrong with this picture...
The Kingston public school board has a special education team. Within that team there are specialized teams - a learning disabilities team, a behavioural team, an autism spectrum team...
A childs family takes part in an IPRC (information, planning and review committee) meeting that consists of parents, the teacher, the principal and vice-principal. The child is welcome, and I'm assuming that if there were EA support, the EA would be welcome as well. The purpose of the IPRC meeting is to label the child as fitting on of the pre-determined teams available for support.
After the IPRC meeting, and IEP (individualized education plan) is developed. IEP meetings are meant to be held annually, but any of the involved parties can request a meeting anytime throughout the school year. Sounds like a great system, right?
I was excited to have Max IEPd. I thought that the meetings and the documentation would lead to written support for him. That achievable goals would be captured for him. That a written snapshot of strengths and needs would be captured.
What a horribly bland, uninformative document it is!! It is general and vague. It offends me on so many levels. It is three pages long... the first is general demographic information and testing dates. The second and third contain the recommended accomodations that Max requires in the classroom. At least I think that's what I'm supposed to glean from it.
We all do things to regulate ourselves. Max's regulatory behaviours are all physical in nature, but he can and does minimize or maximize them according to situation and context. He has difficulty with verbal expression when overstimulated. In a class of 20, he's often over stimulated. He does grade 3 or 4 level math in his head at home, reads at the same level, and has pretty neat handwriting for a grade one kid. Apparently at school he does not.
The IEP has not helped Max. There are no recommendations in it. Accomodations, yes (but not great ones) but no suggestions about how to make the crazy world of school easier to navigate for a little guy who needs that help. No goals. No tips on how to support him in the class room. No paragraph on the 2 years of Floortime therapy that has been instrumental in his growing and learning. No note in the report of a passionate family who will happily follow through with extra work at home, or by following the teacher's lead on tough situations. No sentence that explains that setting an expectation for Max is the easiest way to get compliance from him.
Instead all the appropriate boxes were checked. Max was referred to the SLP, OT, and every other T they could think of. He doesn't need the SLP at this point, and OT recommended that he wear big headphones at school assemblies (where she never observed him!) to help him stay regulated. Just a thought, but isn't the whole point about helping him integrate, helping him to be involved rather than giving him an excuse to tune out?!
Headphones - bah!!! How could they have met us, heard us speak about Max and his abilities, our years of work to develop coping mechanisms, and then suggest headphones??!
Is it me??? Or is there something very wrong with this picture...
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
perish the thought
Max is 6 1/2. He's handsome, smart and quirky. He is the best little boy I know, and aside from the occasional moment where I debate leaving him out with the weekly recycling, I love him more than anything in this world.
Inevitably, babies become children, children become teenagers, and hopefully, if the cards are all played correctly, teenagers become adults, reaping the rewards of all the hard work it took to get there!!
Stereotypically, when I think about the teenage years, I've always thought of my daughter first. Remembering my teenage years, and inserting her in my place fills me with a bit of dread. I hadn't given much thought to Max as a teenager, because I have no experience as a teenage boy, and have nothing to relate his potentitial experiences to. Until a friend of mine started talking about boys bringing home girls to meet their mothers. What?!
I think there is some truth to the idea of a special love between mother and son (as there is truth to a special love between fathers and daughters). Maybe it's as simple as the representation of your partener in a little person that you created together? Maybe there's no truth at all and it's just something that has occurred in our family... hmmm. Not sure.
My point is that I've had these waking dreams of meeting Max's girlfriends the past couple of days. Absolutely terrifying, let me tell you! I am not (and won't be) that mother... I know there is a girl out there for Max, someone who will love him totally, who will complete him, and make his world go round. I am just dreading the learning experiences that he may bump into before he finds her.
I'm practicing my "oh-dear-you're-not-quite-what-I-expected-but-you're-welcome-in-our-home-because-Max-invited-you" smile. And I've decided to take up drinking around 2020... just kidding (maybe!)
Inevitably, babies become children, children become teenagers, and hopefully, if the cards are all played correctly, teenagers become adults, reaping the rewards of all the hard work it took to get there!!
Stereotypically, when I think about the teenage years, I've always thought of my daughter first. Remembering my teenage years, and inserting her in my place fills me with a bit of dread. I hadn't given much thought to Max as a teenager, because I have no experience as a teenage boy, and have nothing to relate his potentitial experiences to. Until a friend of mine started talking about boys bringing home girls to meet their mothers. What?!
I think there is some truth to the idea of a special love between mother and son (as there is truth to a special love between fathers and daughters). Maybe it's as simple as the representation of your partener in a little person that you created together? Maybe there's no truth at all and it's just something that has occurred in our family... hmmm. Not sure.
My point is that I've had these waking dreams of meeting Max's girlfriends the past couple of days. Absolutely terrifying, let me tell you! I am not (and won't be) that mother... I know there is a girl out there for Max, someone who will love him totally, who will complete him, and make his world go round. I am just dreading the learning experiences that he may bump into before he finds her.
I'm practicing my "oh-dear-you're-not-quite-what-I-expected-but-you're-welcome-in-our-home-because-Max-invited-you" smile. And I've decided to take up drinking around 2020... just kidding (maybe!)
Monday, December 29, 2008
leave my sister be
I'm the youngest of 4 siblings. We've always had an unspoken rule... we can say anything we want about each other, but nobody else is allowed to mess with us. I think that's pretty typical of most families. It is certainly a rule that I've tried to share with my kids, especially Max as the older brother. Abby is a natural defender, Max, well, not so much a natural.
Yesterday, their older cousin was tickling Abby and she was screaming (with delight - but that's irrelevant to the story...). Dan and I were sitting in the kitchen when Max loudly proclaimed "Don't you hurt my sister!" When that didn't work (because the other two were pretty caught up in their tickle fight!) Max yelled "Leave my sister be or I'm telling on you!"
I thought I might cry into my coffee (which may have ruined a good coffee - thank goodness for self-restraint).
The relationship between Max and Abby always seemed like it would be one-sided... with Abby being the initiator, the protector, the little-sister-trapped-in-a-big-sister role. Not the case, I'm pleased to report. In yet another amazing turn, Max has accessed the big-brother within, and it's made their relationship all the more wonderful to behold.
Yesterday, their older cousin was tickling Abby and she was screaming (with delight - but that's irrelevant to the story...). Dan and I were sitting in the kitchen when Max loudly proclaimed "Don't you hurt my sister!" When that didn't work (because the other two were pretty caught up in their tickle fight!) Max yelled "Leave my sister be or I'm telling on you!"
I thought I might cry into my coffee (which may have ruined a good coffee - thank goodness for self-restraint).
The relationship between Max and Abby always seemed like it would be one-sided... with Abby being the initiator, the protector, the little-sister-trapped-in-a-big-sister role. Not the case, I'm pleased to report. In yet another amazing turn, Max has accessed the big-brother within, and it's made their relationship all the more wonderful to behold.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
two dimensional
More and more it's hard to tell that Max has autism. He presents very much like a typical six year old. He's prone to tattling, to moments of obstinence, to somehow reaching an unreachable pitch with his whining....
He's doing well at school. Seems my anticipation of any possible negative turn has actually brought about nothing but good turns. I'm happy to shoulder all that anxiety for him. Seems like a Mummy job to me.
We got his first ever report card last week. He pretty much scored B's throughout (meeting the provincial standards). The noticeable exception?? The A he received for dance and movement... that particularly cited his skills for doing the Bird Dance and the Macarena. Seriously.
My boy can't be captured on paper. The school reports what he shows them, the skills he demonstrates. What I can't help but feel is what he allows them to see. At the parent teacher interview, his teacher passionately spoke of her intent to help him communicate what she knows he knows. I wish her much success, and little frustration!
Max is brilliant, both academically, and intuitively. He learns through integration and involvement. He shares his knowledge through engagement. Easy enough to understand, much harder to achieve. And people wonder why we need educational assistants...
He's doing well at school. Seems my anticipation of any possible negative turn has actually brought about nothing but good turns. I'm happy to shoulder all that anxiety for him. Seems like a Mummy job to me.
We got his first ever report card last week. He pretty much scored B's throughout (meeting the provincial standards). The noticeable exception?? The A he received for dance and movement... that particularly cited his skills for doing the Bird Dance and the Macarena. Seriously.
My boy can't be captured on paper. The school reports what he shows them, the skills he demonstrates. What I can't help but feel is what he allows them to see. At the parent teacher interview, his teacher passionately spoke of her intent to help him communicate what she knows he knows. I wish her much success, and little frustration!
Max is brilliant, both academically, and intuitively. He learns through integration and involvement. He shares his knowledge through engagement. Easy enough to understand, much harder to achieve. And people wonder why we need educational assistants...
Saturday, November 15, 2008
the social life of a 6 year old boy
Max is a 6 year old boy.
There is an inherent lack of social skills implied and inferred by that statement.
Max has a cautious Dad, an outgoing Mum, and a sister who will happily take the lead in just about any social situation. He is a quirky kid, with a love of quiet moments, and a passion for the crazy moments.
I was told, early on in this process that he would have a hard time making friends. I watched him with other kids, and can admit to worrying that he would be left out, or maybe picked on. It's no secret that kids can be mean, and what if they didn't like Max?
I should have known better. I should have trusted that the charms of my boy could win over anyone. And that he'd make friends because he's likeable. And smart. And funny.
Kids can be mean, but they can also be incredibly accepting and forgiving. I've seen Max's class interact with him, and he with them. Max is one of them, and as such, what makes him stand out doesn't matter. Max is just Max.
Too bad that 6 year olds understand that better than most grown ups. But that will be another note, another day.
There is an inherent lack of social skills implied and inferred by that statement.
Max has a cautious Dad, an outgoing Mum, and a sister who will happily take the lead in just about any social situation. He is a quirky kid, with a love of quiet moments, and a passion for the crazy moments.
I was told, early on in this process that he would have a hard time making friends. I watched him with other kids, and can admit to worrying that he would be left out, or maybe picked on. It's no secret that kids can be mean, and what if they didn't like Max?
I should have known better. I should have trusted that the charms of my boy could win over anyone. And that he'd make friends because he's likeable. And smart. And funny.
Kids can be mean, but they can also be incredibly accepting and forgiving. I've seen Max's class interact with him, and he with them. Max is one of them, and as such, what makes him stand out doesn't matter. Max is just Max.
Too bad that 6 year olds understand that better than most grown ups. But that will be another note, another day.
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